Thursday, September 21, 2017


I wrote this several years ago (probably in 2012 given the reference to the Aztec calendar) but it seems more relevant now than ever... Only for real this time. It's at least partially based on real headlines from various fringe newspapers, as well as some things that were actually happening. Really, the only thing I added were references to 14 and 88 (because apparently it's ok to be an ACTUAL NAZI now seriously what is wrong with America) and our Glorious Orange Cheeto-in-Chief...

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The end is nigh!
Rapture! New World Order!
Apocalypse now!
Y3K dread!
Avian mad cow disease found in pork!
Skynet approaches singularity!
Aztec calendar runs out!
Yellowstone eruption!
Mushroom clouds approach!
Stay indoors!
Hoard gold bricks!
Stockpile ammunition!
Radiation! Tribulation!
Jackbooted thugs of 666!
God hates!
Burn books!
Ignorance is bliss!
Chants of 14 and 88!
Sex is the right of men!

North Korean nukes!
Gunshot children are crisis actors!
Godless CommieFascists!
Entanglement in hopeless war!
Foreign oil shackles!
Cultural disintegration!
9/11 an inside job!
Government doublespeak!
Collateral damage!
Boots on the ground!
No boots on the ground!
Child molesters next door!
Satanic backmasked messages!
Hilary a lizard alien!
Deranged Cheeto on the throne!
The end is nigh!