Backlog Blitz: Genesis, Week Eight, "Bad Games Make Me...GROWL"

Have you ever considered that life is meaningless? Me neither. Hahaha. Let's talk about games.

Gauntlet 4

More or less it's a mediocre copy of Gauntlet. I don't think there's anything diffrerent from the original game...

Golden Axe

Well, it's better than the Master System version. But it's still pretty bad. It's just clunky, even compared to contemporary sidescrolling beatemups

Growl

Wow. This is... This is something else in terms of poor quality. A, I'm 100% sure that the main characters are all ripoffs of licensed characters like Indiana Jones. B, the enemy types make no sense--women in business suits and NINJAS? And C, it's a bad game.

Backlog Blitz: Genesis, Week Seven, "Frog Gargoyles From Gaiares"

Yeah, I don't even have an introduction for this. Alright? Happy now? Bah. I just want to eat ice cream and garlic bread. Because food makes me happy. Food is my bestest friend. I love food. Unlike these games, which are mostly just lackluster. Seriously, Sega. Get your act together.

Backlog Blitz: Genesis, Week Six, "Ex-Mutants? More Like...Yeah, I Got Nothing."

It has been a hectic, tiring, ugly week. So let's talk about hectic, tiring, ugly video games! This can't possibly contribute to my spiraling depression and desire to take a long walk off a short pier! No siree! Hahahahahahahahaha ha ha... ha...... ha.......... haaaa......

Backlog Blitz: Genesis, Week Five, "The Wrong Kind of Doom Trooper"

Well this week went better than it had the potential to. So let's talk about games that went WORSE than they had the potential to. I'm not sure that my previous two sentences actually make sense but whatever. I'm hopped up on sugar and I DON'T CAAAAAAAARE!!!!! WOO!

Backlog Blitz: Genesis, Week Four, "Oh Captain, My Captain..."

It's been a pretty good week. Not great--there are still a lot of problems in my world--but things are going well. So that means I have more time to play old games. Here are some. Only a couple are good. Unfortunately.

Backlog Blitz: Genesis, Week Three, "Bubsy-Wubsy"

Credit where it's due. The Sega Genesis has a much better library of games than the Sega Master System. Granted, this isn't hard. But still, it is an accomplishment of sorts. I suppose. Let's have a look at some decent games for once.

Backlog Blitz: Genesis, Week Two, "It's Simple. We Kill the Batman"

Hello. Good day to you. I have junk food. Tonight I will eat cheesy garlic bread with a garlic butter dip and I will grow fat and die of a heart attack. I have accepted my fate. The neckbeard is already coming along nicely. Did you know that a lot of licensed games are terrible? Oh, you didn't? WELL THEY ARE. HERE IS PROOF. YOU WILL ACCEPT THIS PROOF OR I WILL BE VERY UPSET. UPSET, I TELL YOU.

Backlog Blitz: Genesis, Week One, "Another World? Another Failure."

Why do I hate myself? Beats me. All I know is two things. One: It has been an awful week. Two: Because of said awful week, only three games from the Sega Genesis. Let's hope that the Genesis is a better than its predecessor, the Master System, which had a dearth of good games.

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Ten, "A Lackluster Finish"

FINALLY. I'm finally done. No more Master System games. Thank you! THANK YOU! PRAISE THE INCANDESCENT SUN! OH IT'S GOOD TO BE FREE. FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST! (No, I am not comparing playing the Sega Master System to slavery and the civil rights movement). 

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Nine, "Sanic"

Oh, praise be. We're almost done with the Master System. Praise the sun. Praise the gloriously incandescent sun. (And that reminds me I want to play Dark Souls III, so let's get these games over with, eh?)

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Eight, "Can I Stop Now?"

I've got like one more week of Master System games to slog through. Never have I been so happy to be done playing a system's games. I would literally rather play those cheap handheld Tiger Electronics games than most of the games in the Master System's library. That bad. Anyway, I'm posting this blog, then I'm looking for places to submit poetry, then I'm playing Dark Souls III. Just assume I'm always playing Dark Souls III, really.

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Seven, "Psycho Fox Does Not Psycho Rock"

Ah, Saturday. Lovely Saturday. For you, it was the sixth day of the week. For me, it was just another Saturday. Go get some Swedish Fish and let's talk about awful old games.

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Six, "Lord of the Snored"

So there's this local pizza chain in my area. I hate their pizza, but their garlic bread is TO DIE FOR. So I just ate a ludicrous amount of garlic bread. Mmmmmm. Kiss me, honey. *garlic breath of death* What, not interested? Let's talk about old games instead. 

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Five, "These Games Deserve the Golden Axe"

It is my contention that of, all the consoles I have ever played, the Sega Master System has by far the most flawed and disappointing library of titles. As a rule, out of every three games I play, I love one, am indifferent towards another, and loathe a third. This rule applies to both modern and classic games. The Sega Master System has defied that rule. At this point, I've played around 50 games for the Master System. The pattern indicates that I should have enjoyed roughly 16 games out of those 50. I have enjoyed 7. That is abysmal. I am disappointed. Let us talk about some of those abysmal games. 

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Four, "The Ecco of a Half-Decent Game"

Car is fixed. Yay. Three hundred dollars later. Boo. Anyway. Went shoe shopping. Unsuccessfully. Ate Mediterranean. Successfully. Played Sega Master System games. Disappointedly. Seriously, Master System. You aren't exactly doing what Nintendon't.

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Three, "Dead Dud Dragon"

Ah, I do love me some cheap ramen. Mmm. Delicious. In the background of my computer, I'm transferring 4 terabytes of data from one external hard drive to another. It feels a bit ridiculous. Anyway. Old games. Terrible old games. 

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Two, "Vanished Enjoyment"

Want to know what I'm obsessed with replaying? "Brotherhood of Man" by Motorhead. Want to know what I'm not obsessed with replaying? THESE GAMES.

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week One, "Fun is Alien to These Games"

Another day, another old system's catalog of games to explore... Truly, the life of a bored twenty-something with a tendency towards reclusiveness is filled with excitement! Or maybe disappointment. Could go either way. Anyway! Sega Master System. It's a thing. The Genesis is better. And the NES/SNES are better still. Yeah, I said it. Fite me after skool. 

Backlog Blitz: SNES, Week Eighteen, "Tactical Ogre Clinging"

It's the end of an era. No, really. I've finished playing Super Nintendo games. I have no more ROMs to play. My emulator can rest in peace now. What's next? A short, one or two week hiatus. Then on to the system that does what Nintendon't. SEGAAAAAAAAA~ But for now, let's look at some more old games.

Backlog Blitz: SNES, Week Seventeen, "

I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel at this point. About fifteen games left to play, some of which will inevitably not be worth even reviewing. So probably two-to-three weeks left of the SNES Backlog Blitz. Then it's on to the Sega Genesis. Why did I ever think this was a good idea? Make it stop. Make it stooooooop.