Sunday, March 8, 2015

Backlog Blitz: NES, Week 17, "I Forgot to Put a Title In"

Yeah, I missed a week. Whatevs. Life happens. Deal with it. Let's talk about old games. Old games are cool. Most of them. Let's talk about ones that aren't so cool. 

Rad Racer
Well, props for emulating car engine sounds. It revs up just like kids imagine a race-car speeding up sounds like. I’m not sure if the way the landscape blurs by is intentional or a problem stemming from my computer processing things faster than they’re meant to be processed. It’s cool, don’t get me wrong—feels like driving fast in the desert SHOULD feel, but it seems weird. I appreciate that when I try to turn without slowing down it seems to fight against my input. A nice little touch. I THINK there’s a 3D mode, but I don’t have 3D glasses, so it’s hard to tell. I treated it as an 80s mode. (Like the racing version of Far Cry: Blood Dragon…)

River City Ransom
So, Double Dragon with uglier graphics but more fun to play? Sold. River City Ransom makes punching random schmucks feel like it should—FUN! I wish I could pin down exactly what the difference is… The story is almost identical, the combat is identical, the graphics and sound are about par, if a bit uglier, but… Somehow River City Ransom is actually enjoyable, while Double Dragon just bores me. I don’t know why.

Rush’n Attack
Wow. Who thought it was a good idea to make jump “UP,” then require tons of forward jumps where if your thumb slips off the “RIGHT” arrow while you’re pushing “UP” you’ll fail and die? I want to smack that genius upside the head. Also, whoever came up with the title needs to have live wolverine stuffed down his or her shirt. Overall this game just screams “Contra knock-off.” I mean, aside from the awful jumping and complete lack of a gun (yep, no gun, in a game about shooting Russkies). It’s not a BAD game, ju—Oh, what’s that? It’s a bad game.

This is. This is something. And that’s not the good kind of something. I can bounce on turtle-backs and climb trees and…STUFF? It’s…It’s like if someone decided to make Zelda II: The Adventure of Link set in the Mushroom Kingdom but with awful controls and hideous music and braindead AI. *insert cheap shot here*