Sunday, February 8, 2015

Backlog Blitz: NES, Week 14, "M-Pathy for the Devil."

Yeah, yeah, it's "Sympathy for the Devil." Whatever. I care about getting it right about as much as I cared about Dead Island's story. So not at all. Anyway. I played games. Some were good. Some were not. 

What. I just. Why, when I rope-slam my opponent does it do NO damage, but if my opponent rope-slams me it does THREE POINTS OF DAMAGE. Tell me! WHY? WHY? And the power-ups! Why do they fly straight to my enemy? Does he have some sort of power-up magnet? And why do the controls suck so many balls?

Maniac Mansion
I’m sorry. I know this is a “classic.” On PC, at least. But I’m stuck on the first area and there’s an audio glitch driving me crazy. I can’t do this. Sorry. I’ll try this again on PC.

Mario Bros.
Ah, I remember this. I had the arcade version for Game Boy Color and it was awesome. This version’s graphics aren’t as great, and the controls are a bit sluggish, but it’s still pretty solid. Not much to talk about gameplay-wise. Knock the enemies from below and kick them off the screen. Pretty simple, but also great fun.

Mega Man
Okay. Someone told me Mega Man is hard. They lied. It’s easier than Castlevania, that’s for sure. That or I’m getting better at dealing with semi-broken controls. Sure, some of this is quite CHEAP, like dropping me in an enemy’s auto-attack radius when I respawn, but it’s not THAT hard. I can get to the bosses, which is quite the accomplishment for me. (Yeah, yeah, I suck at games, whatever. Something something noob gamer something something hand-holding something something REAL GAMES something I know the drill. I’ll go self-flagellate before dinner tonight.) I really wish I could shoot upwards, thou--*is murdered by a horde of fans*
I’m kind of combining the reviews for every NES Mega Man into one because…yeah. I’m not that patient to play through and write about each and every game. I have limited time, yo. I’m a busy man, smooching on the ladies and being all swag and stuff. (That’s all a lie, if you didn’t guess.) But I actually beat Metal Man in Mega Man 2, and I assume I’d go after Wood Man (giggity) next. I have to say, the controls appear to improve in fluency from the first game. And then I hit Mega Man 3 and the difficulty spikes like crazy. And then Mega Man 4 and it’s clear they’re running out of ideas for the bosses. What’s next, “Banality of Middle-Class-Life Man?”Anyway, these are some great games. I'm awful at them, but if great games were determined by how good I was at them, the list would pretty much be the Lego games and not much else.