What, you now ask, can a walrus do? Many things, my friends,
many things.
Do you lack a can opener? A walrus’ tusk, properly
sharpened, will do the job! Do you require a place to store notes? Pin them to
your walrus’ blubbery flank!
But these things are only the beginning of the functions of
a walrus! Has the neighborhood been struck with a rash of break-ins? Your home,
if guarded by a walrus, shall never be touched! The fearsome bark, colossal
size, and protective temperament of the walrus will keep burglars at bay!
Do your children plead and mewl for a pet? A walrus,
properly trained, makes an excellent companion. Their bulk makes an superb
playground for little tykes, and a comfortable seat for older children.
Does your garbage disposal bill mount ever higher? A walrus,
with its all-devouring appetite, will take care of that problem! And walrus
dung will provide the answer to your barren garden!
Are you aged? Do you fear that you will fall and lie
helpless for days on cold cement floors? The solution, my friends, is a walrus!
These clever beasties can be trained to dial emergency numbers, and even speak
simple phrases!
And if the end times come, and you require sustenance,
walruses make delicious eating! Their blubber can be used for light, and their
bones for simple tools.
To receive a brochure about walruses, write to 1400 Walrus
Way, Walrus Bay, Alaska, 60606! Affordable pricing—payment plans available!
Shipping and handling free if you order within the next 30 days!
