Backlog Blitz: Genesis, Week Two, "It's Simple. We Kill the Batman"

Hello. Good day to you. I have junk food. Tonight I will eat cheesy garlic bread with a garlic butter dip and I will grow fat and die of a heart attack. I have accepted my fate. The neckbeard is already coming along nicely. Did you know that a lot of licensed games are terrible? Oh, you didn't? WELL THEY ARE. HERE IS PROOF. YOU WILL ACCEPT THIS PROOF OR I WILL BE VERY UPSET. UPSET, I TELL YOU.

Back to the Future III

Um... So the graphics are alright. The sound and controls are pretty atrocious, though. It's... It's a thing?

Barkley: Shut Up and Jam

Heh. Love this game. Great graphics, solid music, good controls, great gameplay. It's one of those classic sports game. This and Tecmo Bowl are two of my favorites from the era.

Batman: Revenge of the Joker

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO MAKE A GOOD SIDESCROLLING BATMAN GAME? JUST MAKE NINJA GAIDEN WITH A BATMAN SKIN. NOT...WHATEVER THIS MESS IS! Also: Fat Batman.

Batman

If anything, this game is more disappointing, because if there were a divekick and a bit more fleshed-out combat it wouldn't be a half-bad sidescrolling beatemup. As it is, the best way to play seems to be ankle-kick all the goons and use your batarangs on the boss. Not too impressive, honestly. Eh.

Batman Forever

Somehow, this is worse than the movie it's based on.

Batman Returns

If the movement and platforming were better, this wouldn't be half-bad. The combat is solid, the graphics are quite good, the music isn't bad. Even the controls aren't terrible. But the platforming just doesn't feel fluid enough to be enjoyable.