Saturday, March 26, 2016

Backlog Blitz: Master System, Week Five, "These Games Deserve the Golden Axe"

It is my contention that of, all the consoles I have ever played, the Sega Master System has by far the most flawed and disappointing library of titles. As a rule, out of every three games I play, I love one, am indifferent towards another, and loathe a third. This rule applies to both modern and classic games. The Sega Master System has defied that rule. At this point, I've played around 50 games for the Master System. The pattern indicates that I should have enjoyed roughly 16 games out of those 50. I have enjoyed 7. That is abysmal. I am disappointed. Let us talk about some of those abysmal games. 

Ghouls and Goblins

This version is just as clunky and challenging as every other version. And it’s just as un-fun. Seriously. The graphics aren’t too bad. But the controls are slow, the music is gratingly repetitive, and the overall feel is…meh. 

Golden Axe

The Genesis version is better. That’s all. This is bad. I’d rather be playing the worst of the NES TMNT sidescrolling brawlers than be playing Golden Axe. Graphically it’s pretty good, but the music is incredibly repetitive, the controls are clunky, the combat is boring… Bah. 

Golden Axe Warrior

I feel as though I have been deceived. This is not Golden Axe. This is knockoff Legend of Zelda. It’s not very good. 

James Pond 2: Codename RoboCod

What am I playing? Is this drugs? It certainly is sub-par. 

Jurassic Park

Woooooow. Just when I thought these games couldn’t get any worse. This is quite possibly one of the clunkiest, ugliest, least-faithful-to-the-source games I have ever had the displeasure to play. I cannot express how much the music makes me want to scream. I am in awe of the awfulness of this game.