Worm Fodder: Rama

Rama was a mean mean man. But everyone loved him anyway. Everyone being his gnomish wife, Tink. How an 8-foot-tall tiefling convinced a gnome to marry him, don't ask me. Whether they were actually married or it was just a good scam? Don't ask me.

NAME: Anung "Rendezvous" Un-Rama

SYSTEM: D&D 5e

LIFESPAN: Nasty, Brutish, Short

ABOUT: Anung was a simple man. He liked drinking gin and punching things and also drinking gin and chopping things up with a massive sword.

NOTABLE FEATS: Being the only survivors of a death-touch demon walking along a leyline that led directly through the bar; befriending a rather dapper vampire; not being murdered by a bunch of gin-loving drow who were after the (sacred hallucinatory) gin Rama, Tink, and Barnabras stole from the bar; punching a death-touch demon; attempting to leap over a lynch mob; failing to leap over a lynch mob and killing more than a dozen with momentum; breaking his neck in the fall.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Lynch mob and a stumble.

Worm Fodder: Kaathe Sturmhammer

Ah, Kaathe. Who would have thought that playing a character with 100% random stats and 100% random character traits would be so fun? Let alone a low DEX, low STR dwarf blacksmith with ridiculous INT scores. I loved Kaathe.

NAME: Kaathe Sturmhammer

SYSTEM: Dungeon Crawl Classics

LIFESPAN: Long enough.

ABOUT: Kaathe was entirely created through random generation of both stats and character background. This led to some fortuitous coincidences. Like the fact that he had sub-par STR and DEX and also an association with the plague. Hence, he had Dorf Polio. Oh, and he was a blacksmith, and his motivation was finding something lost. Like, say, lost smithing techniques. Fortuitous, I tell you.

NOTABLE FEATS: Managed to anger the parsnip spirits (yes, this was a thing) by his flippant disregard for parsnip etiquette (also a thing); faced down a dragon-sized tiger, and got an adorable stone-eating babby dragon out of the deal; robbed a jeweler looking for food for the baby dragon; was implicated in the killings of several political candidates both real and imagined.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Lived happily ever after. Shockingly.

Worm Fodder: Sean Felair

Sean is another character who didn't live as long as he deserved. It's the problem with collaborative games--no matter how invested you are in a character, if the other players (or the GM) decide that they don't want to continue... Well, the effort you put in is gone. Of course, the reward is worth it. But sometimes it's still discouraging. At any rate. 

NAME: Sean Felair

SYSTEM: D20 Homebrew

LIFESPAN: One session

ABOUT: Sean was a joint creation between myself and the GM. At one point in his life, he was a high-ranking government official, But greed got the best of him and he began selling state secrets. Until he was betrayed. At which point, "Escaping the city through the sewers, you set off to Archmouth with only two pennies in your pocket, desperate to salvage your life. That was five years ago. You have made some progress. You had two pennies. Now you have seven."

NOTABLE FEATS: Sean wound up indentured to a very angry dwarf commander; tried to rob said dwarf; stormed a giant walking statue; dueled a shape-shifting mage; shut down the walking statue via jamming gubbins in gears; was killed by the statue's sudden deceleration and thunderous collapse. 

CAUSE OF DEATH: Game--Gravity; Reality--Time constraints. 

Worm Fodder: "Des Boskin"

Poor Des. Another character whose story ended prematurely thanks to the whims of the almighty beings controlling his fate. Truly a tragedy. Granted, he kind of deserved it, but... 

NAME: Desrael "Des" Boskin

SYSTEM: Dungeon Crawl Classics

LIFESPAN: Three sessions

ABOUT: Fate held a great fascination for Des. He trusted his life and livelihood to the vagaries of dice, cards, and other games of chance. Thought his luck often failed him, and though his charms often fell flat, he never stopped believing himself to be a consummate rake. He was often known to say, "What a day. What a lovely day."

NOTABLE FEATS: Survived a town filled with cannibal gnomes for weeks; escaped the town of cannibal gnomes into the Deeproads, taking a gnome hostage; was pursued through the Deeproads by an insectoid dragon that sounded like this (play on half speed for full effect); accidentally fed gnome hostage to insectoid dragon, which then obliterated the city of cannibal gnomes. 

CAUSE OF DEATH: In the Deeproads, killed by Gold Eaters for his gold. 

Worm Fodder: "Aloysius the Sane"

Aloysius may or may not have been designed while I was watching Berserk. Why else would I design a heavily-armed man with a massive sword? The fact that he was a religious fanatic was just icing on the cake that was "Guts Hueg." Sadly, this campaign was short-lived, but I would love to revisit his character, since I rarely play stoic military types. (Usually I end up playing garrulous high-INT sorts). 

NAME: Aloysius "The Sane" Abascal

SETTING: Pathfinder

LIFESPAN: Uncertain

ABOUT: A member of an elite inquisition cadre sent to root out heresy. His companions were Miguel the Vestal, Kaya the Bloody,  Dunstan the Crippler, and Gareth the Wise. Aloysius was obsessed with distinguishing himself from his mad cultist father, Aloysius the Demented. 

NOTABLE FEATS: Bashing a spinosaurus into submission while on a river-boat. 

CAUSE OF DEATH: Probably killed by some unspeakable Outer Being while hunting cultists. 

Worm Fodder: Youboy!

Yes, that's his name. Surprisingly, of the three characters I had for that game (Youboy!, Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern), Youboy! had the longest lifespan. He almost survived. Almost.

NAME: Youboy!

SYSTEM: Dungeon Crawl Classics

LIFESPAN: One session.

ABOUT: An orphan, Youboy! ended up working for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern as a combination of muscle, pack mule, and general servant. They named him. They weren't good at naming.

NOTABLE FEATS: Outliving his employers; fighting a shambling horror of undead flesh; helping topple said shambling horror into a chasm.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Falling into a chasm.

Worm Fodder: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Rosencrantz. Or maybe Guildenstern?

Seriously. When you get two tax collectors with near-identical stats on your sheet of level 0 starter characters, you HAVE to be some kind of duo. Laurel and Hardy. Penn and Teller. George and Lemmy. Thomson and Thompson. I chose to go with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern for a couple reasons. One: The inevitable joke when both of them bite the dust. (Level 0 characters have a very short lifespan in Dungeon Crawl Classics.) Two: I really really really like the movie Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. Three: I really really really like Hamlet. 

NAMES: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

SYSTEM: Dungeon Crawl Classics

LIFESPAN: One session

ABOUT: A duo of tax collectors. Incredibly dedicated to their profession, to the point that when they woke up in a mysterious temple-dungeon, they began appraising the structure. (Onyx and gilt are expensive, and if that's not being reported...)

NOTABLE FEATS: Mostly just providing warm bodies between the rest of the party and certain doom. Seriously. Read what killed them. 

CAUSE OF DEATH: Guildenstern--died to a very heavy door. Rosencrantz--mauled by a zombie.

Worm Fodder: Barnabras Kollens

Yes, he is named after Barnabras Collins. Yes, it was intentional. Yes, he definitely failed to live up to his namesake. He's a character I played. You shouldn't be surprised.

NAME: Barnabras Kollens

SYSTEM: Dungeon Crawl Classics

LIFESPAN: Oneshot

ABOUT: An undertaker obsessed with romanticizing death. In a modern world, he would have been a Goth. Very cultured, but also completely out of touch with societal norms. 

NOTABLE FEATS: Accidentally resurrecting a zombie girl; convincing a seamstress to make fancy clothes for himself and the zombie; participating in the investigation of a bank break-in; marrying the zombie in a parody of Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride, accidentally unleashing the demon trapped beneath the church; being vaporized along with his zombie bride. 

CAUSE OF DEATH: Probably the emerging demon trapped under the church, it wasn't clear. 

Worm Fodder: Daniel the Grimy

Daniel the Grimy... Look. His character portrait? Doesn't do him justice. That makes him look like he had some sort of tragic mental deficiency. He did not. He was just incredibly, cripplingly stupid. A giant man-child. His INT was suboptimal but survivable, but his WIS was...negatory. 

NAME: Daniel the Grimy

SYSTEM: Dungeon Crawl Classics

ABOUT: A gravedigger with an inexplicable Southern accent who wandered into a conspiracy bigger than himself. 

NOTABLE FEATS: Had his shovel enchanted by an elven smith who thought it would be funny, giving the shovel sentience; murdered--well, his shovel murdered--a fellow adventurer; unleashed a tomb filled with giant graveworms; became part of a three-headed ghost giant a la Monty Python. 

CAUSE OF DEATH: Turned into a half-sphinx and murdered by another player's sphinx-hating spear. 

Worm Fodder: Aengus Fanaiochtla

Aengus was a great character. Shame I didn't get to play him longer. He was only a oneshot character, though. The oneshot's premise and setting was great, but no continuations have come to fruition. Alas. Might-have-beens aren't worth weeping about. Except for Elise. COME BACK, ELISE! Ahem.

NAME: Aengus Fanaiochtla

SYSTEM: DnD 5e

LIFESPAN: Oneshot

ABOUT: Government scribe with delusions of poetic grandeur. Assigned to a supernatural-investigation task force. Speaker with the dead.

NOTABLE FEATS: Helping cover up the death of the local mayor, which was caused by another member of the investigation task force; investigating a series of supernatural deaths; speaking with several corpses; surviving an attack by a separate investigation party; helping unleash an extraplanar monster; cutting off an elf's fingers to help banish the extraplanar monster.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Shot by a fellow investigator who blamed him for the monster's escape.

Worm Fodder: Quincy Sweetleaf

Ah, Quincy Sweetleaf. By far one of my favorite characters to play as. If I felt like goofing off, I had him partake in some opium. If I felt like playing the hero, I had him abstain. If we needed some comic relief, in came the perennially-renamed manservant. He did a little bit of everything, if not well. (Seriously, his contributions to combat were...limited. Blackpowder guns are not all that great... But I wanted a Colonial British "Great White Hunter" style feel to him, so... Guns it was.)

NAME: Quincy Sweetleaf

SYSTEM: D&D 3.5e

LIFESPAN: 10+ sessions, and into the sunset.

ABOUT: A moderately-wealthy half-elf urban ranger with severe parental abandonment issues, an opium addiction, racial superiority complex, and an invisible manservant named "Geoffrey," "Luke," "Nibblesworth," "Jeeves," "Nigel," "Alfred," and many many more. 

NOTABLE FEATS: Quitting opium during a fever dream involving melting goblins and an ace of spades; facing down a mechanical dragon; surviving the Great Yellow Flood of '78; instigating the overthrow of an elven racial purity program (if only because he didn't think it went far enough...); joining a resistance movement against an expansionist king; learning societal norms; helping save the universe, I guess.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Survived campaign, although he probably died in a bar fight after implying elves were superior one too many times. 

Worm Fodder: Jantine Bas'Var

Jantine was a turning point in my RPG characters. I'm not saying Muster Chuff or Jimmy Fuentes were entirely my fault--Commissar Galt was a well-role-played character--since how I played them was partially influenced by the group, but there was still a fair amount of blame to be placed on me. Jantine, though, was for a small 2-player one-shot game, and if she had turned out poorly, it would have been 100% on me. Thankfully, she was fun to play, and made me realize that I could play characters that were "weird" but not WEIRD.

NAME: Jantine Bas'Var

SYSTEM: Star Wars D20 (Wizards of the Coast)

LIFESPAN: Survived campaign.

ABOUT: A shapeshifter, with a preferred  form of a Wookiee. In all forms, had filed teeth. For more social dealings, used the form of an orange-skinned humanoid. Rebel sympathizer and ne'er-do-well. Possessed a mercenary mindset, but abhorred slavery.

NOTABLE FEATS: Terrorizing too many cab drivers to count; preventing a Sith-influenced plot to destroy the great Dr'Gog Tree which bound a planet together; exposing a slavery ring; starting a turf war; attempting to lift someone in Geonosian form and failing miserably.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Survived campaign. Given Rebel sympathies and shapeshifting abilities, probably assisted Rebels. May have died during Rebellion.

Worm Fodder: Jimmy Fuentes

Yeah... For a while my best RPG character was my first. Thankfully Mister Fuentes here marks a turning point... But he contributed to the breaking of my first group's first DM, which led to me DMing for a time, which also led to me learning not to be That Guy.

NAME: James "Jimmy" Fuentes

SYSTEM: Hunter: The Vigil

LIFESPAN: About fifteen minutes.

ABOUT: A drug-addicted Best Buy employee. Lived out of his car after a particularly bad breakup.

NOTABLE FEATS: Surviving a werewolf attack on a bar; snorting werewolf blood.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Snorting werewolf blood.

Worm Fodder: Muster Chuff

I'm...I'm not too proud of this one. I don't have any excuses, alright?

NAME: Muster Chuff

SYSTEM: Halo: ODST homebrew

LIFESPAN: Less than one hour.

ABOUT: An ODST trooper from the ODST equivalent of the short bus.

NOTABLE FEATS: Getting Flamin' Hot Cheetos in his eyes before a drop.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Choked on a Flamin' Hot Cheeto during a drop.

Worm Fodder: Commissar Gaius Galt

The good commissar below was my first-ever RPG character, and he was a strong start to the world of pen-and-paper RPGs. Not only that, but he managed to stay alive in the grim darkness of the far future, and end his career on his own terms.

NAME: Commissar Gaius Galt

SYSTEM: Warhammer 40K: Only War

LIFESPAN: A complete game arc, around eight sessions.

ABOUT: A political officer whose job was to improve morale, execute deserters, and purge heretics. He was very good at all of those things. He also had a hatred for cyborgs due to the "servitor incident" which had forever marred his career.

NOTABLE FEATS: Survived encounter with Eldar (space elf), losing only one limb! Manged to execute a cultist by throwing his chainsaw-sword into the cultist's chest, at which point the chainsaw revved thanks to a gust of wind. Faced down a towering daemon of excess and only whimpered a little.

CAUSE OF DEATH: Self-inflicted gunshot wound due to stress.